i hate today

im supposed to be at
a wednesday 13 show right now
in the city with my friend dan.
he's going off to college next
month. but then his mom ended
up not letting him go.
grrrr
and so my mom wouldn't let me
go into the city this late with
anyone else.

i was really looking forward
to that show tonight.
but at least there's still
Mayhem next month.

i feel kinda lonely too, specially
today. maybe its the sleep
deprivation exercises, which
i keep on failing at. haven't done
anything in a while though
so i miss my friends... alot.

speaking of sleep deprivation,
i just cant do it. i get too bored
at around three am. i know
gnosis is the answer to everything.
the goddess told me so herself, but
i just keep on failing to reach it.

i did do some meditation and
energy work last night though.
its easier in the dark while
half asleep to visualize the flow
of energy and stuff.

hopefully i'll see some progress soon.
i just feel really empty today.